Tolly & Jasper: How they met

“And how long is he gone for this time?” Connor asked, sipping from the root beer he’d asked for when he arrived.

Why I’d let him in was beyond me. I knew it was stupid, but like Tolly said, I wasn’t good on my own.

“Two weeks,” I griped. He’d only been gone for few days, and already I realized my penis pillow, as plush and purple as it was, was a poor substitute. And that was why, when Connor showed up at the door, all smiles and chatty, I’d done the stupid thing and let him in. Now I was regretting my choice.

“Wonder how many guys he’s going to fuck while he’s gone this time,” Connor muttered.

“None,” I assured him. “Tolly loves me.”

Connor gave me a pitying look. “Of course he does, honey. No one else would be dumb enough to sit at home while he was out fucking half the boys in… where is he this time?”

“Texas. Dallas, specifically,” I muttered, cursing my wobbly voice.

A slow smirk slid across Connor’s face. “Ah, country boys. Gotta love ‘em. They’re all, ‘oh, I’m straight’, until they’re on their backs, with their legs in the air, begging you to go harder and faster.”

I wasn’t sure how he’d know that. He was a bigger bottom than me. That image, though? It was the same as what Tolly and I had done twice the night before he left and it popped into my head, only the guy in his bed wasn’t an aging queen like me. It was someone youthful and vibrant, with flame red hair—because Tolly loved redheads, but he settled for mousy blonds—his mouth open as Tolly pounded into him all while whispering my name.

No.

“Tolly said I shouldn’t listen to you.” I hated the way my voice broke. “He said you’re jealous.”

The smirk grew bigger. “Of course he did. He knows he has you wrapped around his finger, and that if you listen to me you might stop fawning over him. Toppy people are all the same. They say they love you, and they do, but they also love their side pieces.” He leaned in closer. “Wanna bet right now he’s taking a twink back to his room, all the while swearing how this doesn’t mean anything and saying he truly loves you?”

And now the thought was planted in my head, and I couldn’t get it out. I needed to talk to Tolly. I had to hear his voice, to know that he was still mine. Why the song Jolene from Dolly Parton was playing in the background of my mind, I had no idea.

“You need to leave now.”

His eyes widened. “What? Why?”

I stared at him, even though my heart was hammering. “Because Tolly loves me and I trust him. I don’t know what game you’re playing, but it won’t work.”

He actually seemed affronted. “Game? I’m telling you these things because I care about you, and I don’t want to see you get hurt. You have to believe me.”

He sounded so sincere, and those things Tolly said were pretty, but were they true? I mean, I knew he loved me, but Tolly had voracious appetites when it came to sex. Was I truly not enough to satisfy him? Or was that all I was? Someone who’d happily bend over for him—like I had on the couch? Or the bedroom. Or in the shower. Oh, crap. My insides were aching at the thought Connor could be right. That I wasn’t enough for Tolly. That I never would be. That I would have to decide if being a side piece was enough. To know that every time he went out, he could be taking someone back to do what he was only supposed to be doing with me.

I wanted to be strong. To show Connor he couldn’t get inside my head. As usual, I was wrong.

“See? In your heart you worry about it too. That maybe he needs something different. Something new. That you can’t satisfy him anymore. That he keeps you around to do things he doesn’t want to. Like serve him coffee, fix him breakfast, those kinds of things. Just like a good little houseboy.”

Showed what he knew. Tolly cooked, because I wasn’t allowed in the kitchen unsupervised. Start one little fire and ruin a perfectly good teflon pan trying to scramble eggs and you’re told to not touch anything.

Dark thoughts crept their way into my brain. Was his new guy able to cook? Could he make coffee without an ensuing fire? Why did he keep me? I was nothing but trouble. Always had been. Since the day we met, I’d been giving Tolly headaches. Of course, that day was the first time he’d saved me too.

I had to go shopping for my week of microwave dinners. Yes, even back then I couldn’t cook. I thought maybe I could learn through osmosis, but I was never able to do more than boil water, and even that didn’t go off without a hitch. I’d just finished adding all the remaining pies of the freezer to the bounty already in my cart when this big guy stomped over and took it. Just put his hands on it and started walking away with it.

“Uh, excuse me? That’s mine.”

He sneered at me and kept going. Normally I would just ignore it and start over, but I was tired and cranky and just wanted to go home. Plus, now they had no more pot pies. I reached out and grabbed his arm. His head snapped in my direction as he jerked his arm away.

“The fuck you think you’re doing?”

“That’s my cart,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. Yeah, it didn’t work. Mickey Mouse couldn’t squeak like I did.

“This is mine, go get your own.”

He turned away, then started moving again. He was at least six inches taller than me, and about fifty pounds heavier. Everything in me was screaming that I shouldn’t egg him on. Just do what he said. But that one stupid part of my brain, the one that said this was my food, wouldn’t shut up.

“I said that was mine!” I shouted, my hands fisted at my sides.

He stomped back to me and sneered down his nose. “And like I said, no, it’s not.”

He raised a hand. I don’t know if he intended to hit me or punch me, but I squeezed my eyes shut. I wasn’t made for pain. I bruised easily, and I cried if I got a sliver, so I was certain this would likely be a whole lot worse. Still, I was proud of myself for not giving up, even though that would have been the smart play here.

“Touch him and I will fuck you up,” came a deep, growly voice that sent shivers down my spine. “You’re taking his things, then you threaten him? Now we can handle this one of two ways. You can give him back his stuff and pay for it to say how sorry you are, or I can lay you out on the floor and take your wallet to buy his stuff. The damage I do or don’t do to you is the only difference here, so it’s up to you which path you want to take.”

I opened my eyes and found Tolly towering over the guy. He was at least five inches taller and a hundred pounds heavier than the pumped up gym bro, who stood there staring into Tolly’s flinty gaze. I saw him swallow, then held up his hands and took a step back.

“Sorry, man. My mistake,” the dude said.

A lip curled up, showing a hint of some really shiny white teeth. I wondered if he would let me know where his dentist was. “No, apologize to him, not me. If he forgives you, that’ll go a long way to keeping this civil.”

He turned to me, and I could see the fear in his eyes. I couldn’t understand it, though. Yeah, the guy was big, but there were no threatening vibes coming from him at all. Protective ones, for sure, but that was it.

“I’m really sorry,” he croaked out, his voice strained. “Please, forgive me.”

Tolly crossed his arms over his insanely large chest, then his biceps bulged, and I swear they were bigger than a cantaloupe. At one point, I was certain I could hear his shirt begging him to have mercy. “Paying for his groceries would go a long way to showing how sincere you are, don’t you think?”

“Yes. Yes, of course,” he spat out. He turned to me again. “I’m sorry! I made a big mistake. Please, let me buy your stuff as an apology.”

The thing about me is I was never confrontational. I had a reputation for letting people walk over me. It made school hard, especially among the jocks. Worse? I wouldn’t even stand up to the band members. I just… I hated arguing. It was easier to let people have their way. “It’s not—”

And then I caught Tolly’s gaze. He wasn’t asking me to agree. Without words, he was practically ordering me to do as he said. And that set me vibrating with a need I’d never experienced before. To give this man, this god who stood before me in a skintight black T-shirt and blue jeans with a damned impressive inseam, anything he wanted, if only he’d never stop looking at me.

“I mean, sure. That sounds good.”

Tolly smiled then, and I knew it was meant only for me, No one else would ever see something this perfect. It showed he was proud of me, he was pleased that I’d done as he asked. And it set my heart thumping in my chest. Hard enough to hurt. I thought maybe I was having a heart attack, but judging by the way my eyes kept straying to Tolly’s crotch, it was more like a ‘hard’ attack.

I wished.

I wasn’t a virgin. Again, there was that whole ‘hard to say no when someone asked me for something’ thing I had going on. Guy takes me to dinner and expects a little dessert after? Sure, why not? Guy buys me a drink at a bar and wants a blow job in the bathroom? I’m down. On my knees. Sorry, it sounded funny at the time.

After he walked with me to the register and the guy made good on his promise to pay for my stuff, he scrambled out of the door as fast as I’d ever seen Usain Bolt move. I turned my gaze up at Tolly.

“Thank you, sir.”

He smiled down at me, then put a hand on my head and threaded thick fingers through my hair. A shiver ran through me at the tenderness of his touch.

“No problem. I saw him harassing you, and I was coming over to stop him.”

I nibbled my lip.

“That’s bad for you, you know. You’ll make it bleed.”

He reached up and gently tugged until it popped out of my mouth, all the while staring down at me, his gaze full of heat.

“You have very pretty eyes,” he whispered.

Yeah, the lines had started. I was certain after his heroic rescue, he’d have me in his car, on my knees as a way of thanking him. I don’t know why, but I didn’t want that to be who he was. The thought kind of hurt.

“Are you in a hurry to get somewhere?” he asked.

I shook my head, because I knew what was coming. Him, apparently.

“Would you be okay to having coffee with me? I mean, if you drink coffee. Me? I can’t live without it. You seem more like a tea or milk drinker, so I didn’t want to assume.”

My brain, which had been sputtering up to this point, chose that moment to short circuit. “I…. Uh…. What?”

That earned me a crooked grin that made my tummy flutter. “I’d like to buy you a beverage of some sort, if you are up for it.”

And then, because I was me, I blurted out, “You don’t want me to blow you?”

He stepped back, looking shocked, as he stared at me for a moment. “What?”

I won’t deny I was getting flustered. This had never happened before. “I mean, didn’t you help me so you could get your dick sucked?”

Judging by his pinched eyes and scowl I’d offended him. “What do you mean?”

Seriously? “Hasn’t anyone ever sucked your cock before?” I growled, more than a little frustrated this wasn’t what I had assumed it would be.

“Yes, but—is that what you think I did this for? Sexual favors?”

Well, yeah. I kinda doubted good people existed in the world. “Isn’t it?”

He looked so disappointed, and that bugged me.

“No, most definitely not. Look, I helped you because you seemed to need it. Nothing more, nothing less. There is no price on my assistance. I did it because I wanted to and….” His gaze dropped to the floor.

“And?” I prodded.

He mumbled something so softly, I couldn’t make it out.

“What was that?”

“I said you were cute,” he huffed, his eyes snapping up to meet mine. “That was why I helped. You were so fierce, trying to defend your cart, even when you had to know it couldn’t have ended well.”

Yeah, I had figured that out. “It was mine,” I whined. “He thought he could walk over me and I was sick of it. I’m tired of people like him thinking I was a rug they could wipe their shitty shoes on.”

He smiled at me, and my impotent rage disappeared in a flash of stormy blue eyes.

“My name is Tolliver James,” he murmured, extending his hand. “My friends call me Tolly.”

I gave him my hand, and was stunned when his swallowed mine, engulfing it in a strong grip. “I… And…. Am I your friend?”

“Would you like to be?”

Yes. Most definitely yes. “I would,” I assured him.

“Enough to tell me your name, maybe?”

“Oh, I… I’m… uh….” Shit, what was my name again? I’m pretty sure I knew it when I came in, but somewhere along the way my brain was lost in in the full attention I had from Tolly. In my twenty years on the planet, I’d never had the heat coming from another person warming me up, but Tolly? It almost seemed as though I was flying too close to the sun, all ready to burst into flames. I wondered if this is how Icarus felt before he plummeted to earth in a ball of fire.

“Jasper,” I croaked out, my head all swirly and stuff. I thought I’d pass out, and wouldn’t that just be the perfect ending to this conversation?

“Hey,” he said, his gaze soft. He lifted his hand as though he was going to touch me, then let it fall once more. “You okay?”

Was I? I mean, physically I was fine. A little warm, maybe. Had they turned the heat up in the aisle? Mentally? I was stunned, and I couldn’t deny it. Someone claimed he wanted to take me out for something to drink, and said he had no ulterior motives? Did I believe that? God, I wanted to. With my whole heart, I needed Tolly to not be like other guys. To actually have an interest in me, and not my dick sucking skills. Which, by the way, were good, but not legendary. I liked to think what I lacked in technique I made up for in enthusiasm.

“If you don’t want to go, I—”

“No!” I practically yelled, which caused heads to turn in my direction. Sure, where were you bastards when I was being bullied? “I mean, yes, I’d like to go with you.”

Another warm smile. “We could meet after you take your stuff home.”

“Why?”

He glanced at my bags. “You have frozen things. Should get those home first. It could be a health risk if they thaw and then get frozen again.” His brows knitted together as his gaze flitted over my trove. “Is that really all you buy?”

I shrugged. “Usually. It’s easy and convenient.”

“And loaded with sodium and additives.”

“Well, sure. How else would they make it taste good?”

He shook his head. “How about we make a deal? You go and take care of your groceries, then you come to my house and I’ll make you dinner.”

Make me dinner? The last people who did that were my mom and grandma, and it was the very reason I liked frozen dinners. They were bad, but at least they were consistently bad. “You can cook?” Gorgeous and could cook? Why was this man not married off already? “You can’t be real. Are you cheating on your wife or husband with a side piece?”

He snorted. “Hardly cheating. I work a lot, so I haven’t been on a date in about two years, and I’m very sure I’m not married. As for cooking, I’m not a gourmet, but I’m pretty sure I can do better than a frozen pot pie.”

My mouth was watering at the thought. The home cooked meal, not the thought of a blow job. Well, maybe a little of both.

“Let me give you my address.” Then he stopped and cocked his head. “Do you have a car?”

And I didn’t. “No. I rode my bike here.”

“Where do you live?”

When I told him he winced. “That’ll be a bit far to go by bike. Is taking an Uber a possibility?”

I chuckled and indicated my cart. “I’m eating pot pies that cost a buck. What does that tell you?”

He gave me a look I had seen far too much of in my life. Pity. I, being the person I am, bristled.

“No, we’re not doing this,” I growled. “I don’t need you to feel sorry for me.” I grabbed the cart. “Thank you for stepping in. Have a good day.”

I started to move away from him when he put a hand on my shoulder. Not rough, just letting me know he was there.

“Jasper,” he whispered. “I realize we don’t know each other, but I don’t pity people. Situations? Sure. It’s just….”

He sighed, and my annoyance evaporated. “Just what?”

“Look, I’m not going to sugarcoat it. I like taking care of people. Guys. I want to help them and look out for them. I stepped in earlier, because you seemed lost, and I hated that expression on your face.”

“So you’re looking to be a daddy to someone?”

His eyes widened and he looked utterly horrified. “What? No! I want someone who can depend on me, who will let me lead in a relationship, but is still capable of making his own decisions. I don’t want to control everything.”

“And what don’t you want to control?” I challenged, my hand on my hip.

He frowned. “I would never tell you that you can’t have a job if you want it, that you can’t have friends or see certain people. But before you say anything, keep in mind that we haven’t even had dinner yet. Maybe we’re not compatible at all. Maybe we can be friends without benefits, before you ask.”

And now? Here was me wishing Tolly had told me I couldn’t be friends with Connor, because I kept letting him get into my head and mess with it. After all this time, all these dinners, all this love, how could I doubt what Tolly and I had, just because Connor said the words I always worried about?

I couldn’t think of anything to say. I opened and closed my mouth several times, but not one coherent thought entered my head. I turned to run to the bedroom when the phone rang. It was Tolly’s ringtone, and my mind kept telling me this was it. He was calling to tell me to pack my shit and get out. As soon as I was behind a closed door, I answered, my hands trembling.

“Hello?”

“What’s wrong?” he demanded, as was Tolly’s way. “And don’t tell me nothing, because I can hear it in your voice. Wait. Never mind. Connor is there, isn’t he?”

“Yes,” I whimpered, ashamed and embarrassed for being so damn weak.

He sighed deeply, and I could picture the scene. He was rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. I’d seen it before. Not his best look. “Okay, I know I told you I didn’t want to control who your friends were, but Connor is toxic. He’s hurting you, and I won’t stand for it.”

My heart slowed, because this reminded me that despite my constant stream of fuck ups, only one person had always been in my corner. The same guy who constantly worried if I was sad or nervous. The only one who’d been there for me since we had that dinner a few years ago. Which, by the way, was a delicious homemade pot pie that blew Swanson’s out of the water. The one who told me if I wanted to stay and take care of him, I wouldn’t need to work outside. The one who was always there, no matter what.“Thank you.”

“Always and forever,” he reminded me. “No younger guys, no older guys, just you, Jasper. From our very first date until we’re old and wrinkled and living in a retirement home, it’s you and me all the way.”

“Tolly, I—” And I burst into tears.

“I’m on my way home,” he announced. “I’ll be there tomorrow morning. Take a nice warm bath and get some rest.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He was going to ditch his two week meeting to come home? “What? No, you can’t. Your boss will be upset.”

“Better him than my boy. Do you understand me? Nothing is more important than you.”

And those words jackhammered the block around my heart, shattering it into a million pieces, giving me courage that I lacked since my brother vanished. It reminded me that Tolly had never lied to me. Had never told me something that he couldn’t or wouldn’t back up. Despite my constant stream of fuck ups, he hadn’t tossed me aside, and with this vow, he was showing he never would. I had to trust in that. “Don’t leave. Stay. Call me later to check on me, but let me take care of this, okay?”

“Are you sure?” he asked, sounding unconvinced.

Was I? Yes. Because Connor was impinging on my life and future, and I was so damn done. “Very.”

“Then I’ll trust you to deal with it. I’ll call you later. Love you.”

“And I love you,” I said, more certain now than I ever had been.

As soon as we disconnected, I stormed into the living room. I found Connor there, flicking through the channels of our enormous television.

“Get the fuck out of my house,” I growled.

He jerked his head in my direction. “What?”

“Get out. My door is no longer open to you.”

His eyes widened, and for just a moment guilt coursed through me. Then I remembered Tolly and how he was trusting me to handle this mess.

“Jasper, I—”

I steeled my reserve and shook my head. “I don’t know if you’re jealous or just enjoy causing drama, but I am done with you trying to get in between me and Tolly. I thought you were my friend—”

“I am,” he insisted. “I just want you to be happy.”

That made me bark a laugh. “No. You want me to doubt myself. To drive a wedge between us. Did you think that if you did, Tolly would want you? Is that what this is about?”

He averted his gaze, and I had my answer.

“Oh my God! You seriously thought you could come in here and break us up, then step in to comfort him? You sick son of a bitch, Get out of my house.

His face twisted in rage. “It’s Tolly’s fucking house!” he screamed. “Everything here is bought and paid for by Tolly, and apparently that includes your whore ass.”

I admit my shock at his ugly words, but that more than anything showed me Tolly was right. Connor was toxic, and like an infection, he needed to be out of my—our—lives.

“You’re right,” I admitted, doing my best to keep my voice steady. “Tolly does own the house, and guess what? He also owns my heart. Why? Because he’s the only person who ever treated it so well. And because I worship the ground he walks on. I would do anything—and I do mean anything—to make him happy. And that includes getting rid of you.”

His eyes widened, but he turned and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him. I swear to you, it was as if I was Atlas and the weight of the world had just fallen from my shoulders. It made me think how many times Connor had made little digs about Tolly and me, and how I’d just sat back and let him walk over me.

Don’t get me wrong. I knew I was a pushover, and I probably always would be. If Connor came back with a sob story? I’d forgive him. But that trust I’d had in him? That was gone, and I wasn’t sure it could ever be rebuilt.

Or if I even wanted it to be.

That night, Tolly called and although I don’t want to admit it, I cried like a baby while venting to him. It was cathartic, cutting away the rotted, dead tissue of Connor’s ‘friendship’ and leaving the area clean and new, ready to be used once again.

Eventually.

“I can still come home,” he said, his voice warm.

And I wanted that so badly, but Tolly needed to do his job, and I didn’t want to become an impediment to it.

“I’m sorry,” I said to Tolly again.

“That’s enough,” he assured me. “I’m proud of you, Jasper. You stood up for yourself and for me. No one’s ever done that before.”

I sniffled. “Does that mean I get to top?” I choked out, knowing full well it wasn’t something I ever wanted to do.

He chuckled. “Sorry, but no.”

“Really? Good, I’m glad.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Jasper?”

“Hm?”

“You do know that if you wanted to top, we could try it, right?”

And those words, plus the thoughts it put into my head, reminded me why I fell in love with Tolly in the first place. Every other person I’d been with automatically assumed I was a bottom. Admittedly, I am, but the fact Tolly was willing to try things a different way made me feel cherished in a way I couldn’t understand or explain.

“Thanks, but I pass. I like things as they are. I wouldn’t say no to you making me a pot pie one day, though. Soon?”

I could picture him smirking, his stormy blue eyes twinkling as he said, “I think that can be arranged. Now, it’s late. Get to sleep.”

“I love you,” I said.

“Me too. Night.”

And right before I hung up, he yelled my name.

“Yeah?”

“And remember, no touching yourself.”

Damn it. It was frustrating, but also let me know how much I was loved.

Still more frustrating though. Just saying.

When Tolly came home, he baked me a pot pie. We had dinner that night, him with a glass of red wine and me with some apple juice. Throughout the meal he never took his eyes off me.

“Do you know that you are every bit as beautiful as the day we met? More, because you’ve filled out a bit. You were so skinny before, but now? You’re the perfect size for holding.”

“And pumping into?”

He chuckled as he reached out and patted my hand. “Missed me?”

“You have no idea. If this pot pie wasn’t so good, I’d be under the table blowing you.” I took another bite. “But give me ten minutes or so to finish, and I can start working on dessert.”

“No.”

That hurt a lot. “No?”

“I want to tell you something. I know Connor messed with your head about your place in my life, so I need you to understand something. Our relationship isn’t about sex. It’s about mutual respect and love. Sex is only a small part of it. I never want you to think that’s the only reason I have you here.”

I did know that. At least now I did. It certainly wasn’t for my cooking skill or witty repartee. I put my fork down and stood, making my way toward him. I put a hand on each shoulder and began to massage. He groaned an dropped his head back.

“Jasper, that’s not fair.”

I leaned in and nibbled his ear, which brought up the goose bumps it always did. “As a wise man once told me, no one ever said life was fair.”

It was my first punishment. I looked at his thick, heavy hand and slid my palms over my too skinny ass.

“This isn’t fair,” I whined.

“You agreed to this,” he reminded me. “In fact, it was your suggestion.”

Because I was an idiot. “But I’m thinking it might have been done in a haze of lust.”

“We can find something else, if you prefer.”

“Can we just bypass the punishment altogether?”

“Sorry, but no. Breaking rules has consequences. And you were most egregious this time.”

Was it weird how turned on I got when he used words I had to look up? I mean, I don’t care if it does, but I totally do. Zero to rock hard in the time it takes to drop a zip. Anyway, he did the punishment, I learned nothing, time moved on.

“Jasper, stop. Please.”

It was the please that made me stop. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want you to doubt me. It hurts that you do. I have never and will never find someone I love more than  you. I will never sleep around. I need you to know you’re my only, now and forever.”

I swallowed hard. He’d been telling me for months how much he loved me, and I believed him, but then I listened to Connor, and that poisoned my thoughts. No, that’s to right either.

“I’m sorry I was so insecure,” I said, though it felt like my throat was closing up because every instance flashed through my mind. I couldn’t blame it on Connor. It had been all me. “It’s just… you’re the very best thing that’s ever happened to me, and the thought I could lose that. Lose my home? It scared the ever loving fuc—fudge out of me.”

“Good catch,” he said with a smirk. “And that’s on me.”

“It really isn’t. I’ve never had a place I was so happy. It seemed like every time I found somewhere I felt I could get comfortable, it was torn away from me. I worried it would happen here, because nowhere else felt this right. And it took Connor to show me the truth. I love you so much. You mean everything to me.”

“I feel the same way about you.”

“I know you do. I understand now why I was so scared, but after telling Connor you wouldn’t take him even if you left me was—”

His eyes widened and his lip curled dangerously. It was hot. “Wait. What the hell do you mean take him?”

Yeah, I might have left that out of my confession to Tolly. “He thought if we broke up, he could ‘comfort’ you.”

“That little shit,” Tolly growled. “I never in my life thought of him in that way. I haven’t thought of anyone but you since we got together. You’re it for me, and I will spend the rest of our lives reminding you that you are loved and why you’re the only one for me. You got that?”

The rest of our lives.

Sounded pretty damn good to me.